So it’s Easter-season again, and I have no idea when the holiday actually is.
But really, though, I’m serious. I don’t know. And it’s sad. I know Easter is soon, but I haven’t been to church since March 1st, and with my ship’s current operational tempo, I don’t anticipate being able to attend in the near future.
Also stacked onto my list of Christianity-related shortcomings is my failure to read any of my devotionals since my arrival in Japan and my near total concession on my original Lenten promise of giving up sweets. Sure, I can justify my cheats with one reason or another (it’s not every day one finds out she’s moving to Japan for two years, now is it?), but the end result remains the same.
So where does that leave me? Well, I’m certainly not proud of this fact. Even as I struggle to adjust to a new life as a division officer aboard a warship, where all my hours are scheduled either by officers ranking far above me, or my own conscience which propels me to keep learning or checking up on “my” guys, I feel as if I should do better.
Some small part of my mind protests that if I could just wake up that extra fifteen minutes earlier (which I suppose would either be 4 am or 5am, if I gave up my workouts for Bible study), I could suddenly be a “good” Christian again.
Realistically, I don’t expect that will happen, which causes me to hesitate before writing advice to the “Christian leaders” of the world. I somehow tend to doubt I’m the only one to confront this situation, though, and I know many have covered the topic of busyness far more expertly than I.
Instead, I will just offer you a few moments of my day which really led me to pause, muttering “sub-han Allah” to myself (a phrase in Arabic expressed at moments when one is literally awestruck by the wonder of God’s work):
- Watching a coral-pink, mackerel sunset fade into bruised, gun-metal grey
- Peering out over miles of water that weave together in a study of blue and white
- Witnessing a full rainbow upon our arrival in harbor after a rough day of heavy seas
- Being greeted by a pod of dolphins as dawn light peeks over the island of Guam
There are many mysteries of the world. There are many wonders of majesty and beauty I believe science could try to dissect for centuries and never truly capture their essence.
Although I may not be able to read my Bible as often as I may prefer in this current period of my life, I still feel God all around me. Despite my imperfections, His wonders never cease.
As noted, I am far from perfect. But as I lean into my Lord and Savior to guide me through this new transition in my life, I have to remind myself to get over my own ego when thinking about God. It’s not what I do, but who He is, that matters; Jesus’ cloak of forgiveness, warmth, and strength covers us all in all circumstances.
His love does not depend on me; it just is.
A simple enough concept, but, I feel, a timely reminder in this Lenten season as we reflect on the true price of what that love cost our Christ.
About Brett Beeson
Brett Beeson, officially, is an ensign (officer) in the United States Navy, currently attached to DDG54 Curtis Wilbur out of Yokosuka, Japan. She graduated in 2014 from the United States Naval Academy with a Bachelor of Science in Arabic and a minor in Spanish. Unofficially, she is the “evil twin” (one of Jory’s twin daughters), that annoying-friend-who-won’t-stop-calling, perpetual questioner, ice cream enthusiast, scribbler, roarer-of-laughter, and eternal student of God’s amazing mysteries. After extensive travel in Morocco and Oman, she has become passionate about furthering her/our understanding of the Middle East and Islam. To enjoy more of Brett’s writing, please visit Randomness with Brett.