I hope so anyway. How ‘bout you?
There’s nothing quite like spending time with an elderly person—whether parent, friend, or acquaintance—to cause us to reflect upon our own life journey—where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re headed. On behalf of Court Street United Methodist Church, I’ve called 30 or so older members of our congregation over the past two weeks, checking to see how they’re doing and whether we can do anything to assist them over the holidays. Their responses touched my soul.
Most of the church members were full of gratitude for my call and for their life circumstances. I heard joy in their voices even though they were recovering from a stroke or broken hip or suffering from IBS or extreme dermatological issues. “Well, my house is paid for and my son checks on me, so I’m grateful.” “I’m getting along fairly well—thank you for asking.” “I’m doing pretty well. At least my appetite has returned.” “I’m on oxygen 24/7, but I’m doing alright.” “We’re so pitiful—in terrible shape—but at least I can drive to the grocery store.” “For our age, we’re doing quite well. We’re happy for all of our blessings.”
You can’t come away from conversations like that unaffected. I found myself thinking, how do I want to feel and act and look and respond when I’m in my golden years?
Last week my daughter Jana was listening to my good friend Maripat and me talk about how we intend our lives [and bank accounts] to look when we’re in our 90s. What struck Jana the most was our natural assumption that we would still be going strong! And why not?
That conversation got me thinking about what it takes to live a long, healthy, vibrant, purposeful life. In a recent Harvard University study, researchers found that women with high-stress jobs face about 88 percent more risk of a heart attack than if they had low workplace strain. “The big thing is, what’s happening to you now in terms of mental tension has long-term effects on our health,” said Michelle Albert, the study’s senior author, who is an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School and a cardiologist at Brigham & Women’s Hospital in Boston. How we handle stress is clearly a factor.
So are nutrition and exercise and outlook and camaraderie and relaxation—to name a few. It’s not easy to carve out time for Zumba, walking, yoga or Pilates. Neither is it easy to eat well and get plenty of rest. Life is all about setting priorities and making choices.
What choices are we making today that will help us have an attitude of gratitude when we’re 95?
Warmly,
This topic is dear to my heart as I just dropped my 85 year old mother off at the airport. She is on her way to visit my sisters for Thanksgiving. I’m in awe of her ability to be traveling so easily and gracefully at age 85! She refuses to take medications (treats illness with nutrition), and even found a way to get off oxygen by using yoga breathwork! Like my mother, I refuse to believe that age means limitations. In order to have an attitude of gratitude at 95, I believe we need to start right now, honoring our physical and spiritual bodies with nourishing movement, nutrition, and most importantly, a belief that we WILL be moving with ease well into our 90’s.
Great post, Jory!
~ Maripat
Jory,
I lost my mom in 2004 (just before her 65th bday!) but still have my dad and my inlaws. Both dads work at our business every day. They do the important stuff that others miss…in the warehouse, making deliveries, packaging… They are there to ensure the business survives so they work hard instead of playing golf or going fishing. This is their preference–their work ethic. We sometimes forget they’re both well into their 70s. Gratitude hardly expresses how we feel.
Your post also reminded me that I need to be more intentional about reaching out to elderly folks in friendship. Their experiece and wisdom is often untapped as they get older.
Dear Maripat and Diane,
Thank you for sharing your stories with me and with our readers. My parents died within nine months of each other in 1999–my mom was 79 and my father was 83. Mom had been in a nursing home for 2 1/2 years following a debilitating stroke. My father died suddenly following a routine medical procedure…days after my husband and I returned from our honeymoon. Though grieving, I was determined to “pick up their torch” and carry on…for as long as I possibly can… as a tribute to them and all they stood for.
I truly believe we are meant to be good stewards of our health and to pass down a legacy of love, respect, compassion, and service. Thank you for joining me on my journey.
Love,
Jory
You make terrific points, Jory, and timely for me — one month til my next birthday. So many members at my church are older, and I’ve noticed how much of a different attitude seems to make, along with healthy living. Just this past week, I spoke with one person who was telling me how much she was looking forward to getting down on the floor and rolling around with her great grandchildren at Thanksgiving. Another woman told me that her daughter and son-in-law would be visiting for the holiday, and all of her comments focused on how much she was dreading all of the extra work, having more bodies in the house, more noise, and so on. Woman #1 is in her 80s and woman #2 is in her 60s, and guess who seemed much younger and more vibrant. So much of life begins in the head.
Thank you for the reminder!