Photo by Flickr (Derek Keats)

I was standing on the edge looking down at the beautiful, turquoise water below. Should I jump? The water was calm but my stomach was churning. As I looked behind me, in the distance I could see friends smiling and waving for me to come back. This is the image that came to mind as I faced a life-changing decision.

As the leader of a nonprofit organization for ten years, I had a passion for the families I served. Then, without warning, I felt it wane like a lantern slowly being turned down. I enjoyed my work, loved the staff and volunteers, and still had creative ideas percolating—goals to accomplish. What was going on?

After a recent merger and hitting big milestones, I convinced myself I just needed some extended time away.

Almost a year before, motivated by a half-day workshop given by Ruth Haley Barton and after reading her book An Invitation to Solitude and Silence, I began practicing this spiritual discipline. The idea of just “being” with God resonated with me on a deep level. I began by breathing deeply and using a breath prayer to help with the distractions. Even though the practice was initially challenging, it instinctively felt right.

Barton also wrote about her experience of having a spiritual director, someone who helps you notice God’s presence and learn how to respond with body, mind, and soul. This is done through attentive listening and the use of spiritually formative questions.

Longing to explore my relationship with God more intentionally, I began meeting once a month with a trained spiritual director. It opened the door to a journey of discovery unlike any other in my life.

During our first session together, I knew quickly it was a safe place for me to discuss how I experience God in my life, and I felt spiritually understood. The director was compassionate, open, non-judgmental, and warm. Most importantly, she just listened and placed her trust in the grace of God by letting the Holy Spirit guide her during our time together.

• Initially we talked about my prayer life, how I discern God’s voice, and what I really believe about God.
• I was introduced to new ways to pray, created a sacred space in my home, and learned about how I experience God through my body.
• I spoke about my identity as a wife, mother, friend, and nonprofit leader.

But who was I without these roles? Soul searching …

As I stood on the edge and looked at the water below, I asked God for my next step.

I took a month off from work and decided my only agenda was to be kind to myself—eat healthy, exercise, and pray. My husband and I boarded a cruise ship on the third week. It was during a quiet morning before the ship was awake that I heard the gentle voice of Love say to me, “What you have done is good, but I have something better. Trust me.”

Without a doubt, I knew it was time to jump. This time I realized I wasn’t looking back at friends or at the water below. And I noticed now that I wasn’t alone. Christ was holding my hand, and we were jumping together!

Are you standing on the edge facing an important decision but unsure of your next step?

Do you want to awaken your soul to God’s presence in your daily life?

Does God have something to say to you about your identity?

Here are a few suggestions to awaken your soul:

• Open your heart and tell God your deepest desire. Know that God is always good.
• Be intentional about creating space to just be with God so you can truly listen. Go for a walk, create a sacred space in your home, turn off the radio in your car, dig in the garden.
• Consider Spiritual Direction to learn more about the working of the Spirit in your life.

With time, silence, and spiritual guidance, I came to realize I had lost myself, over-identifying with my work—what I did. In just being with God, however, I was found—God’s Beloved! Letting go of good work, colleagues, an identity in the community, and financial comfort was challenging, but it also brought freedom, peace, and unexpected gifts from God. The water is refreshing!

“The greatest risk in action is the risk of self-revelation, and that is also action’s greatest joy. No one can know us fully, not even we ourselves, but when we act, something of our inner mystery often emerges, and it can shock or delight when it does.” – Parker Palmer

About Joann Blewett

Joann Blewett helps others discern God’s presence and grace in daily life experiences as a Spiritual Director. Spiritual Direction is a contemplative, one-on-one relationship based on God-centered conversation. This is done through attentive listening, asking spiritually formative questions, and the work of the Holy Spirit.

Joann holds a Masters Specialization in Spiritual Transformation from Northern Seminary and completed a two-year Spiritual Direction program at Kavanna House. She is a member of Spiritual Directors International.

Previously, Joann was the Executive Director of Habitat for Humanity Susquehanna, a nonprofit organization in Bel Air, Maryland, for ten years. She is a graduate of the University of Baltimore (B.A.), is married, and is the mother of three young adults.

I welcome your comments on this post and am open to any thoughts you may have that I can address for a future blog. Please feel free to send your questions to me at joannblewett@gmail.com.