“Be still and know that I am God.”
Be still.
Be. Still.
How often do we do that today? How often can we convince ourselves to just sit down and find that oft-sought, much-lauded, “peace”? What does that even mean?
I, personally, am not very good at this trait.
I feel constantly harassed, driven, pushed to “do more” and “be productive.” When joking with a friend about my life in California, I told her that I was “carousing around SoCal and trying to be a productive member of society.”
When she asked “why,” I responded with the first thing that came to mind: “So my life can have meaning.” Wow. Not the flippant response I had been going for.
Reflecting on that idea, though, I realized that perhaps the manic energy that had been possessing me, the demons hounding my heels and forcing me time and again to the chase weren’t coming from a place of healing and love in my heart, but rather from an abiding sense of insecurity. My need to serve others stemmed from a wound years old, one that has never quite healed, telling me I’m not “good enough”: not good enough to be a good friend, sister, or citizen, and perhaps not even worthy of love in general. Some people mistake this for humility. I disagree.
I had been trying to “find meaning” in my life by filling it with actions and activity because when I sat still I felt useless, a waste of space and air. We have to, I thought, constantly move to serve others because I myself, alone, was just … nothing.
Considering that notion, however, how can I, in one breath, find myself unworthy of love, and in the next profess to know the love of Christ, to be a believer and a Christian? Is not the crux of our faith that “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son”? This concept is so hard, at times; they say we have no worse critics than our own selves.
Still, though, by refusing to accept the concept of our own worthiness, we are essentially refusing the gift that He so freely offered: His own Life and Blood for our healing.
As David phrased the concept in Psalm 51:7, “Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be as white as snow.” When we refuse to forgive ourselves, we refuse the blessing of Jesus’s grace in our lives.
We cannot, in one breath, profess to be Christians, and in the next give in to the darkness in the corners of our minds that whispers of our eternal failure and sin.
It is true that we cannot and will not ever be able to justify ourselves—we cannot “find meaning” on our own. The Good News, though, is we don’t need to, for God loves us and accepts us just as we are.
This is not to say that we should cease our efforts to benefit the world around us. But maybe, maybe sometimes we can stop for a moment, breathing in the blessings of Christ and being confident in His plan for our future.
“Be Still.”
“And Know that I Am God.”
About Brett Beeson
Brett Beeson, officially, is an ensign (officer) in the United States Navy, currently stationed out of San Diego, CA. She graduated in 2014 from the United States Naval Academy with a Bachelor of Science in Arabic and a minor in Spanish. Unofficially, she is the “evil twin” (one of Jory’s twin daughters), that annoying-friend-who-won’t-stop-calling, perpetual questioner, ice cream enthusiast, scribbler, roarer-of-laughter, and eternal student of God’s amazing mysteries. After extensive travel in Morocco and Oman, she has become passionate about furthering her/our understanding of the Middle East and Islam. To enjoy more of Brett’s writing, please visit Randomness with Brett.
Beautiful. Our culture doesn’t make it easy for us to “be still,” nor does it offer a lot of reinforcement for the idea that we are each worthy — unless, of course, we have the latest whatever and we look and sound and act “right”. The eternal truth of our value as children of God couldn’t be more different. Thank you for this deep reflection of what it is to be in our world while being of God’s world.
2 years ago, my adrenal glands (where we get that adrenaline that keeps us running ourselves ragged) shut down. My body would not move no matter how hard I willed it. I would be stuck sitting on the couch for hours, working up the energy to just walk to the kitchen. The hardest part of this experience was the tapes playing in my head, telling me that I was being lazy and being a burden on others, that people were going to resent me or reject me for not doing more. Wow. I had to spend much time in prayed and meditation to do something with the guilt and shame and not – good – enough feelings. God revealed to me that I was not honoring the Sabbath. I was always working and never resting. In Scripture he tells us the Sabbath is for us, not him! But making myself rest had become near impossible for exactly what you describe here. I hadn’t done enough yet. The work wasn’t done yet. Guess what! That’s the lie that keeps us running. The work is never done. We can never do enough to prove or earn our worth. Be still and know that I am God saved my sanity, my soul, and my life. It is what finally healed me and got me off that couch. It is what keeps me from ending up right back on it.
Brett, your insightful reflections speak volumes. Thank you!
Let us enjoy the “quietude” and deepen our relationship with God. (I know this is one of the reasons you enjoy hiking so much.)
Bless you, my child. xxoo
Thank you very much for your thoughtful responses. I simply try to share something that I hope to be of value from my own experiences with others. I wish us all grace and patience as we try to “Be Still”